airline retaliates

Usually, a trip to see family in the Midwest entails a relatively painless two hour nonstop flight but yesterday, as if to pay me back for a recent snarky post re. the industry, they cancelled my flight (withholding the news until I was at the airport, trying to check in eletronically when the kiosk flashed the ominous See Agent warning) and detoured me to Charlotte, NC where I waited for hours, which gave me time to discover that the Gracious South still exists in ladies rooms there. Incredibly, each is supplied with a trayful of treats for the Lady Traveller: hand cream, breath mints, tampons, Listerine. More incredibly to me, though the trays are unattended, takers take only a dainty amount.

I finally made it to my destination (with soft skin and inoffensive breath) but the airline's vengeance continued: my bag stayed in Charlotte.

tray tables, armrests, seat backs not included

Commenting on the bad news that airlines are squeezing additional revenue by selling space on boarding passes, Geo (who spent the day at an offsite and clearly had time on his hands) mused so eloquently about the future of air travel, I figured his comment deserved a post all its own.

Introducing Incremental Air.

Here's how it works, you pay just $69 for any seat on any plane to anywhere in the world. One seat, one flat fee.*

*$69 fee applicable to all flight except flights during blackout periods. Blackout periods include all days you want to fly. To fly on black out days, there is an additional $10 blackout fee. Jetway fees of $8/ticket apply. $2 check-in fees apply. $9 ticket-scanning-fee applicable on days of the week that end in Y or start with a consonant. Flight attendant service fee of $11 applies. $2 armrest fees apply. In the event of the loss of cabin pressure, a $25 oxygen-mask usage fee will be imposed. $7 security fee applies. $4 rest-room usage and upkeep fee valid. $1 carpet depreciation fee applies. $18 window fee or $17 aisle fee applicable on all flights over one minute. On all flights $22 center-seat fees apply. $42 banal announcements from the flight deck fees are active effective March 1, 2001. $9 lighting fees for cabin light apply. $22 aircraft lighting fees apply. $19 fuel-hike surcharge fees where applicable. Fees applicable in entire solar system. $75 additional fee fee applicable on all additional fees. $6 Public address announcement fee. $8 recline fee. $25 airport usage fee, applicable in the continental US and outside the continental US. $55 border crossing fee. 3 magic beans fee fie fo fum fee. $4 tire inflation fee. $7 air fee. $8 mechanics' retirement fund fee. $72 pigs at the trough fee. $12 award-winning inflight magazine fees apply. $6 pillow and blanket removal fees apply. $27 seatbelt fees applicable to passengers with seats. $3 tray table usage fees apply. Other fees, taxes, surcharges, penalties and sundry charges will be applied without further notification and at an additional $25 additional unspecified fee fee.

new frontier in small space: boarding-pass ads

Airlines that charge whopping amounts for amenities fliers once took for granted--meals, legroom, checked luggage, headphones--are now selling advertisers space on your boarding pass.

According to today's Wall Street Journal:

Delta Air Lines Inc. passengers checking in online for Las Vegas Tuesday will notice something new on their boarding passes: lots of ads...The move is just the latest attempt by cash-strapped airlines to generate more revenue -- this time by charging advertisers for fliers' eyeballs.