Monday, April 14, 2008
Baby as status symbol? So last millennium. More and more people are going for monkeys. Monkeys let you enjoy many of the good aspects about raising kids without the bad: monkeys never stop looking adorable, never whine, never require massive outlays of tuition. Even as teenagers, they wear whatever cute outfit you dress them in: superman capes, frilly dresses, holiday formalwear. (Designer of trendy monkey fashions now has a web site!)
Some people acquire monkeys when they can't adopt babies. For others, it's about filling an empty nest. "I was lonely and depressed after my youngest left home," says a Florida mom who dotes on "monkid" Jessica Marie: dresses her in flippy skirts, treats her to McDonald's, gives her her own leash to help walk the dog. (See disconcerting video here.)
According to the national Humane Society, 15,000 monkeys are being raised by human parents. But that number is low, they estimate, because so many people keep monkeys illegally. Monkeys are outlawed as pets in 20 states. (They're legal in New York, but illegal in New York City--darn!)
Of course, raising monkeys isn't for everyone. Warns a devoted monkey-dad, "Having a monkey means you will be making many sacrifices. It will be difficult to go on vacations. And it is very hard to find a person that will monkey sit."
Not to mention that potty training is probably out. Media monkey for Huggies? You might want to consider a new buy: Monkey Matters.