Monday, April 14, 2008

monkeys, the new babies


Baby as status symbol? So last millennium. More and more people are going for monkeys. Monkeys let you enjoy many of the good aspects about raising kids without the bad: monkeys never stop looking adorable, never whine, never require massive outlays of tuition. Even as teenagers, they wear whatever cute outfit you dress them in: superman capes, frilly dresses, holiday formalwear. (Designer of trendy monkey fashions now has a web site!)

Some people acquire monkeys when they can't adopt babies. For others, it's about filling an empty nest. "I was lonely and depressed after my youngest left home," says a Florida mom who dotes on "monkid" Jessica Marie: dresses her in flippy skirts, treats her to McDonald's, gives her her own leash to help walk the dog. (See disconcerting video here.)

According to the national Humane Society, 15,000 monkeys are being raised by human parents. But that number is low, they estimate, because so many people keep monkeys illegally. Monkeys are outlawed as pets in 20 states. (They're legal in New York, but illegal in New York City--darn!)

Of course, raising monkeys isn't for everyone. Warns a devoted monkey-dad, "Having a monkey means you will be making many sacrifices. It will be difficult to go on vacations. And it is very hard to find a person that will monkey sit."

Not to mention that potty training is probably out. Media monkey for Huggies? You might want to consider a new buy: Monkey Matters.

7 comments:

Toad said...

Okay. Because somebody had to ask: How on earth did you find out about this? I mean the monkey clothes site in particular?

Ad Broad, oldest working writer in advertising said...

Toadmaster-glad to have provided something of interest to bloggerati & twitterer of all buzz remarkable. My source-- was one of my human primate offspring.

Anonymous said...

Whenever I hear about monkeys as pets/family members, I think of this.

Ad Broad, oldest working writer in advertising said...

@anonymous, thanks for that. I'm never stepping foot in a zoo, oops, animal park again.

Auntie Christ said...

Do they wear Garanimals?

joker said...

Ok I thought the old lady with the 7,000 cats would be scary but people with monkeys? How much attention do you need? And how hard is it to find a building that accepts monkeys? I dunnno, would the monkey be entitled to money once the parent/master/owner dies? And for that matter, are they like dogs where they can get neutered so they chill out? On that note, imagine working in advertising and having a monkey, he'd light up your weed and drink your weed before you got home... unless he was your AE, THEN it'd make sense. :D

joker said...

PS: What happened to those good times of chimps throwing shit and semen to passers by? Can't we all get along?