Sunday, February 10, 2008

subway tip

Say it's late at night and you are on the subway. You're a small woman with a big purse you regret you are carrying. Why did you bring a big purse late at night on the subway. Why are you on the subway at all? It is late at night. You should be in a cab. Curse your lack of patience for waving your gloveless hand in the cold. How do you keep crazy people from sitting near you--the bible-ranters, the garbage-eaters, the woman wearing three coats who smells like pee, the menacing-looking man stepping into the car, fixing his eyes, for some reason, on you. Here is the answer: look crazy yourself. Remember that piece of string that's been at the bottom of your big purse for months? Fish it out. Put it between your lips. Let it dangle. And/or roll up a magazine and beat yourself on the head. No one will want to sit next to you. You get a row of seats to yourself. And peace of mind. Priceless.

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